“I love you”. To say “I want your good”, above all else. But what good can be greater than the freedom to self-determine? The declaration of affection, in the context of romantic relationships, also implies a specific commitment to act in favor of the other. Theory and practice, however, may not find mutual correspondence if specific intervening variables modify the basic meanings of the good, sacrificing the fundamental altruistic component to the prevailing need to nourish an immature and fragile self that is unable to conceive a love other than that directed to the satisfaction of subjective needs, conveyed by requests and demands that ignore the aspect of reciprocity in human relationships. Within such a dynamic, the most basic empathy towards others finds no space for expression, as it is strictly related to the ability to conceive an otherness separate from one’s own subjectivity. On the occasion of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, which occurs tomorrow, a reflection on the concept of good and love arises spontaneously; but the usual look at the news confirms alarming data, although slightly decreasing – at least until today – compared to last year (100 victims of femicide in 2024 so far, compared to 117 in 2023 according to Istat). But the number of sexual violence remains high (3000 during the first half of the year), which attests to the sensational failure of the so-called “civilized societies” and of the educational agencies par excellence, especially in relation to the most recent phenomenon of femicides in young people age.
From Giulia Cecchettin’s crime to that of thirteen-year-old Aurora Tili, thrown down from the seventh floor by her boyfriend, there is a crescendo of violence among the youngest; a virus that seems to have infected their minds by injecting prejudices and sexist stereotypes, strong in a distorted vision of male power that follows old patriarchal patterns, never completely defeated. The latest Eurispes report, based on data provided by the Central Directorate of the Criminal Police, in collaboration with the Guarantor Authority for Children and Adolescents, already in 2023 attested that women victims of persecutory acts in 34% of cases have less than 34 years old; of these, 3% are under 13 years old, 7% are between 14 and 17 years old, 29% are 18-24 years old, and finally 61% are between 25 and 34 years old. As regards the perpetrators of the persecutory or violent acts, 20% are under 34 years old, of which 70% are between 25 and 34 years old. Numbers from an announced epidemic, no less destructive than that of Covid-19. However, his vaccine is not found in a test tube, and requires a collective effort, a serious commitment in the field, institutional and individual, from social microsystems to larger collective ones.
But how to do it? And where to start? A hypothetical identikit of the young perpetrator of feminicide could help to understand specific intrapsychic dynamics in support of prevention. For this purpose, the distinction between adult feminicide and young executioner is fundamental. The adult typology corresponds to the classic “pathological manipulative narcissist”, a true evil genius, a witty planner of a precise strategy of conquest which consists in attracting the victim, binding him to himself with the attitudes of a true gentleman, only to then make a sudden and cruel about-face , once certain of his love. Isolation and control become privileged weapons of persecutory behavior which has as its objective the total subservience of the woman to his will, to finally move on to crime at the first evident sign of awareness or rebellion.
Jealousy and possession are the corollaries of his criminal action; above all, the accusations made against the victim go beyond his present, obsessively focusing on the past, a time that escapes his maniacal control, but is a fundamental part of the victim’s identity, which is constantly debased to the point of not recognizing himself in his history. “It’s not her anymore, she’s changed,” friends and relatives often say. Indeed, what annihilation could be worse than the loss of identity?
The identikit of the young femicide instead refers to the image of a person turned to his past, perceiving the future as a threat, a real nightmare. In the frantic search for personal identity, he is often unable to find positive models to inspire, thus orienting himself towards the easy assumption of a negative identity, based on the strength of prevarication. The violent young man is therefore a fragile individual, incapable of conceiving a future in which he can project himself and make his real self act with concrete acts, actions on the field, measuring himself with his own strengths and dealing with possible victories and failures, even in love. The pain of abandonment by a loved one is a painful event for anyone, sometimes excruciating, but it represents a driving force for growth, an experience that teaches us to rely on our own resources to stay afloat, overcome the wound and start again. We also grow on our own falls; the important thing is to put them on a path that has personal evolution as its objective.
The internal mechanism that leads the young person towards the assumption of a negative identity instead exorcises the pain because it fears it, and does not accept the consequent frustration of the loss of control over the other, identified with the loss of power; especially in the social comparison with the external observer, with the peer who perhaps made it. The reaction to frustration thus induces the young person to deploy a destructive force of even greater value than the suffering, directing it towards the person who led him to experience first-hand his fundamental impotence in the face of living. Anger, desire for revenge, hatred towards the beloved can become invasive, also stimulated by the female ability to conceive plans and personal objectives, projecting oneself forcefully towards the future.
This was the case for Giulia Cecchettin, guilty of wanting to graduate before her boyfriend and planning an education far from him; she has become, like other young women, the mirror that reflects the image of a personal failure. A mirror to break.
